Snarkvark @ PoliSnark.comAlright, here we go—because no shit, Sherlock: the Secret Service needs “fundamental reform.” Who would’ve guessed? Oh, I don’t know, anyone with two functioning brain cells who’s watched this agency trip over itself for the last decade. From White House fence-jumpers to security breaches, this isn’t exactly the dream team of elite protection. Now they’ve bumbled their way through an assassination attempt on Donald Trump, and suddenly, we’re supposed to act surprised? Spare me.
Seriously—what the fuck has the Secret Service even been doing? Eating Cinnabons and calling it a day? Their job is to keep high-profile figures alive, and they’ve managed to botch that in spectacular fashion. But hey, at least they’re consistent in their incompetence. It’s not just Trump—whether it’s leaving doors unlocked or getting blacked out drunk on duty, the only thing this agency seems to excel at is creating its own PR disasters.
And now, after an actual attempt on Trump’s life at a campaign rally, we’re talking about “reforming” the Secret Service? Yeah, no shit we need reform. We need a complete teardown and rebuild, because this agency has been asleep at the wheel for years. Of course, now that it’s Trump, the media is finally interested—because nothing draws attention like controversy with the former president. But let’s not pretend this is some isolated incident. The Secret Service has been a walking disaster for years, and every time they screw up, we get the same tired promises about change that never fucking comes.
What’s even more infuriating is that this failure might not even be accidental. Think about it: Why do people keep coming after Trump? Maybe it’s because he’s actually hitting a nerve somewhere. If half the establishment and the entire media machine weren’t so desperate to shut him up, they wouldn’t keep trying to take him down—literally. I mean, come on, the Secret Service let a gunman get onto a rooftop during Trump’s rally in Pennsylvania. That’s not a small oversight—that’s tactical incompetence on a scale you can’t make up. Are we supposed to believe this was just a coincidence?
And look, the timing here is too damn convenient. An investigation calling for massive reforms, right before the election, when Trump’s on track to make a big push? Give me a break. The deeper issue isn’t just reform—it’s whether this whole thing was designed to fail. If they’re this bad at their job, how the hell are we supposed to trust them to protect any president—or even the democratic process?
Here’s the bottom line: If they can’t keep Trump safe, what does that say about their ability to protect anyone else? It’s not just a Trump problem—it’s a systemic failure that makes every citizen less safe. And what’s the solution? More bureaucratic bullshit and half-hearted promises. Meanwhile, the Secret Service carries on like the Keystone Cops in fancy suits, waiting for the next disaster to hit.
